The Ugly Truth about Hurt

As much as I hate to admit it, I was lying in bed last night, trying to fall asleep, when those scenes began unfolding again. My mind swirled with the unsolved mysteries of motive. It wasn’t the biggest deal in the world but it just kept nagging me. I wanted to tell that person a few things; diplomatically set the record straight. I wanted to make sure they and whoever they influenced with their unbridled actions got the true story.

But, believe it or not, I’m actually brighter than that. Chasing redemption for hurt feelings, no matter how well you have planned your execution, is a slippery slope. I knew the thing to do was to silently bear the blow and go on, but this one would not leave me alone. It was one of those resurgent hurts. The kind you know you are mature enough to breeze past, and yet, it keeps coming back. Not because you are dwelling on it, or because you don’t want to forgive, but because it just. plain. hurt.

Of course, it wasn’t welcome. Hurt never is. It annoyed me that I was even feeling hurt by it.

But there it was.

Again.

I’m sure you’ve been there yourself.

Someone did something. Someone didn’t do something. Big. Small. Over a period of time. In a split second. Spitefully. Accidentally. It doesn’t really matter what caused it.  At some point we’ve all been barfed on.

It is unbelievably tempting to nurse the wounds or succumb to bitterness. Sometimes there’s an intense pull to entertain the speculations and assumptions that flood your mind. From there, a grudge is one step away. It doesn’t take long for that initial flinch of pain to transform into anger and cripple relationships. If you’re not careful, before you know it, you’re a sanctimonious hypocrite that reeks of the same odors that repulsed you in others.

Behind the insurgence in your soul. Behind the temptation to neglect all we have been taught about forgiveness, mercy, turning the other cheek, grace, loving your enemies, praying for those that despitefully use you… Underneath the anger that perpetrates the “what for” you imagine giving them. Buried under the cloak of self-righteousness that justifies the resentment building up within you…

There is that tiny root that started it all.

Hurt.

Offense.

And the truth about that hurt?

You might be surprised.

The truth about getting hurt is that what you are feeling usually has nothing to do with the person that hurt you.

It has nothing to do with the action that hurt you.

It has nothing to do with how justice was or wasn’t meted out, or your saintly ability to act gracious while your blood is still boiling.

Walk up to a mirror and look your reflection in the eye.

Meet the ugly truth about hurt.

You see, hurt is the root of all that turmoil, but it goes just a little bit deeper than the hurt.

Before you ever felt hurt, before anything ever happened to trigger that hurt… there was a tiny seed.

Forget the person that hurt you. Forget the dirty deed that irritates you.

Take a look at that seed.

Inside that seed, is an ugly little monster called, “Self”.

Flesh. The old man. Pride. Whatever term you want to apply to it, it is part of all that should have died at Calvary when it was crucified with Christ. It’s the thing that screams “this shouldn’t be happening to me!”

At the heart of every wound is the answer to why it bothers you in the first place.

Most people are too consumed with the infractions or how to justify and defend themselves, but if you ask yourself,  “Why does this hurt me?” You will see exactly what I mean.

When your name wasn’t mentioned among the people that slaved to make something happen, that twinge of disappointment was a seed of self, desiring recognition. When you were passed up for the promotion you had been working and waiting for, that irritation in your soul was the seed of self saying ‘you deserved better!’  When you heard the terrible lies circulating about you, that lump of turmoil was the seed of self telling you that you deserve to have people think highly of you. When you complained because of your circumstance, it was self rising up and declaring that you deserve everything to go perfectly for you. When you allowed your bitterness to fester, there was the seed of self saying you deserved to be spared from any pain. When you lamented the trial you were walking through, you were asserting that somehow you deserve exemption from pains that Christ Himself was not exempt from.

The world is full of people that will never comprehend this.

There will be people that read this that say we have all kinds of rights. Rights to respect, rights to privacy, rights to feel whatever we feel, rights to say, rights to do, rights to not be hurt, rights to honor, rights to credit, rights to comfort, and rights to enjoyment.

But anybody that has taken that journey to the old rugged Cross and surrendered their life there will know what I mean. When you remember that Calvary was all about trading that rotting stench called self for the abundant life of Christ living through us it all makes sense again.

We traded a corpse that deserved nothing but the hottest flames of hell for all eternity, to take upon us the life of Someone that denied Himself every right He truly had for all honor, glory and exaltation. When He was falsely accused, He did not assert His innocence. When He should have had a royal carpet laid over the path He walked, He was mocked and abused. When He should have been on a throne commanding His subjects, He was nailed to a cross. The most deserving, worthy One that ever walked this earth, and He was disdained in the most reprehensible fashion.  He should have had every good thing we could have offered on this earth; every ounce of respect, every inch of glory, every millimeter of His endless realms of Heaven, and yet, He denied it all for me.

Who exactly do we think we are, greedily clinging to “rights” that only Christ Himself deserved, and yet surrendered so willingly? Is Christ living in us when we object to gossip about us, or get angry when we are mocked? Is He living in us when we think we are above the abuse of this world?

The ugly truth about hurt is that it reveals something ugly, within us.

But this is good news! As undesirable as it may be, God designed pain to act as a bit of an alarm system.

When you burn your hand on a hot surface, or stub your toe on a table leg, pain alerts you quickly that something is wrong and it needs your attention.

It’s called hurt.

Without it, you would self destruct. If you don’t believe me, read about a little girl named Gabby Gingras, born without the ability to feel pain.

God enabled us to feel pain, not only in our bodies, but in our soul. He gave us an alarm system that cries out when someone has offended us. He’s letting us know quickly that there is something wrong- something that needs some attention, and something that needs to be taken care of.

Hurt is not a bad thing. It’s telling us there is a bad thing.

So, last night when hurt was whispering my “rights”, and trying to cleverly rope me into creating an ugly disaster in my life, I heard something…

God was sounding the alarm.

I heard the sirens and I checked the premises.

What I found was a little bit of pride telling me I deserved something I really did not deserve. So, I took that wily beast that reared its ugly head back to the Cross and I laid that little seed of pride there. And you know what? It was a lot easier to let Christ live through me today.  All of those things we’ve been taught all of our lives about forgiveness that we find difficult to apply every once in awhile… they really aren’t that hard when you realize it has nothing to do with the people that hurt us. When you recognize that all that hurt is just the trumpet sounding that you have something ugly within you, the issue is resolved without struggle.  Who was it that offended me? What was it that they did? They are non-issues that drop off like scales. .Forgiveness, mercy, and grace… they come effortlessly- without force, and without mustering them up. Why?

Because  “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.”- Galatians 2:20

That is the beautiful truth about hurt.