Forgiveness: A Decisive Act of Obedience

I don’t know if there’s anything more fundamental in Christianity than the concept of “forgiveness”.

One of the very first steps we take, in our walk with Christ, is accepting that He has graciously forgiven us of impossible debts. (1 John 1:9)

And one of the first things we learn as a disciple of Christ, is to be forgiving. We are reminded repeatedly by Jesus and the Apostles, that we’ve been forgiven, so we need also, to forgive others. (Matt. 6:12-15; Col. 3:13; Eph. 4:31-32; Matt. 18:21-25)

It’s important that we extend the same mercy that we have been shown.

As rudimentary as that responsibility to forgive may seem though, it’s so easy to forget.

It’s easy, when we’ve been hurt and we’re focused on the pain or the damage we’ve incurred at the hands of another, that we are still called to forgive.

Still commanded to forgive. (Eph. 4:32)

There have been times in my life, where I have been hurt, even traumatized, by the actions of others. To my shame, I’ve not always been graceful when wounded. I know what it’s like to want to stand on a rooftop and blast, far and wide, details, to protect others, to be heard, to be validated.My flesh wants to write the book, tell the story, and make sure anyone and everyone knows that there are dangerous monsters among us, and while I generally attempt to employ a certain measure of civility in these matters, there have been times when I could not resist oozing a little.

But then, the Lord, in His infinite mercy, brings me back around, to a place where I can acknowledge my own list of offenses, ever-stretching in all directions. A place where I understand that people aren’t perfect. That our entire essence is faultiness. The greatest of the greats, have made their mistakes, and even though that’s disappointing, it should gladden our hearts all the more, because there is none good! No not one! And yet Christ extends His grace, undeserved, to each of us. (Romans 3:10)

Sometimes I think of those earliest saints. The ones who demonstrated jaw-dropping forgiveness in the most shocking of circumstances. The apostles and the martyrs, who, in the face of death, forgave the men that were about to execute them. Who forgave their enemies, before they even struck the blow. Unimaginable persecution. Men and women down through the ages, whose stories are recorded, like Corrie Ten Boom & Elisabeth Elliot, extending grace to the “unforgiveable.”

Isn’t that what Christ has done for us?

Vile, wretched, depraved in our entirety… yet forgiven.

I am deeply humbled by the examples mentioned above. The offenses I have born throughout my life are truly nothing in comparison to what they faced. But their extraordinary forgiveness stemmed from their pure love of Christ, and their devotion to their calling to emulate Him to this world. Christ was our ultimate example. Wrongfully abused and falsely accused, innocent of all crime. He deserved all glory and power and honor in Heaven and on Earth, and yet He was despised and rejected by those who He came to save, and in spite of all of that, His cry was “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:24)

Christianity, in all purity, looks like Christ. If we are to emulate Him, we must possess a disposition of forgiveness. Sometimes that means over and over again. (Matt. 18:21-22) Sometimes that means we have to stretch it toward dark, ugly places.

Recently, I had to take a hard look at myself.

It occurred to me, one day, after creating all kinds of confusion and turmoil and complication for myself, that much of it could ultimately be traced to one source.

Unforgiveness.

A series of blows from several places left me shocked and disoriented, and I began analyzing them, trying to grasp what on earth happened and why. I was so terrified of experiencing a repeat, and so determined to make sure it never happened again, that I did everything imaginable to regain a sense of “safety.” The problem was, the more I did to create a bubble of protection, the more I realized that I was backing myself so far into a corner that there was barely room to breathe. The perfectionism required, to keep danger out, was paralyzing. In addition to panicking over every error in the history of errors for every person throughout all of time, I was being crushed under the weight of every error I have ever made or could even potentially make.

It made me realize that a Christian that has not forgiven others, is a Christian that will begin to malfunction on every level.

Unforgiveness ripples out in every direction from the point of disturbance. It affects our motives. It distorts our actions. It skews our perception of almost everything. People, even those unrelated to the incident, situations, circumstances, etc., are all seen through a lens of fear. As it subtly permeates our lives, it cripples our ability to connect, relate, engage with, and serve others. As you explore Paul’s passage about love in 1 Corinthians 13, you find that harboring an attitude of unforgiveness, would impede you from fulfilling the majority of his points.

Forgiveness is essential.

Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of that.

It is absolutely imperative that I conduct my life with a heart of forgiveness and that whatever offenses have gone unforgiven must be promptly forgiven. I realized it was time to drop the charges. Time to stop gathering evidence and time to stop trying to convince the jury. Time to stop worrying about how they (or anyone else) could hurt me again. It was time to trust, that whatever justice, whatever protection, whatever mattered on my behalf, was truly in the hands of God.

Sometimes, we just need to take a step back, and remember that there is absolutely nothing that will ever happen to us that is outside of God’s orchestration. If we have been afflicted, He is entirely sovereign over that affliction. (Romans 8:28)

We can trust Him with the outcome, because the outcome is His.

We can leave the entire matter in His hands. We don’t have to keep seeking justice, or rehashing our security plan. We can drop our campaign against them… Dislodge it from our heads, and we can just move on.

So I did that.

And, I’ll be real with you.

It’s not always easy.

I’ve heard dramatic stories in the past, from people that have suggested that forgiveness will happen in an almost mystical experience, where warm fuzzy feelings hit you at just the right moment, (perhaps the crescendo of an emotional song). Stories like that make you feel like, in order to forgive, you must seek such an experience. In order to “obtain” the ability to forgive, you must seek and strive for something elusive and intangible. In reality, the deliberate act of forgiveness tends to appear less glamorous than all of that, but I am relieved that we are not bound to subjective emotionalism to get the job done.

Forgiveness is more like a decision, and it requires ownership and effort, over a period of time.

Your humanity isn’t going to simply disappear. You’re still going to feel like you don’t really want to forgive. You’re still going to struggle with the sense that they don’t deserve it, and the wounds may still smart, and the memories may continue to be painful… These experiences do not make you a “forgiveness failure.” They are normal and natural and I can almost guarantee that it’s going to resurface more than once.

To be sure, my ability to forgive is an extraordinarily feeble one. I’m pretty terrible at it. There are moments I am tempted to retract my decision, because I’m triggered… because my instincts to self-preserve and self-protect are activated… because the opportunity to throw some shade presents itself, and honestly, unfortunately, I find that super enticing.

But every time it comes up, I make that decision.

And I keep making that decision.

And when I make that decision, I rest in His ability.

Every moment I choose forgiveness, is a moment He is trusted fully and entirely with my existence. It is a moment that my mind is not consumed with analyzing the offense or calculating the damages, because I know He sees and presides over all. It is a moment that I am not frenetically trying to protect the universe, because I am acknowledging that Christ is absolutely covering that. It is a moment that I am not untangling the confusion of how it happened and why, because I know that He holds all things in His hands and that He knows the end from the beginning and that He is working all things together for His glory.

The act of forgiveness, is ultimately, one of surrender to Christ.

It is to submit the rawest details and the most vulnerable aspects of ourselves, to His loving mercy and care. It is to truly “cast your cares upon Him” because He indeed “cares for you”. (1 Peter 5:7)

There is no greater action, that testifies His rightful position in our hearts, than to obey this simplest of commands:

“…Forgive, as the Lord forgave you.” – Colossians 3:13