The Precious Wound of Repentance
๐ฅ๐ฒ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ฎ๐ป๐ฐ๐ฒ.
I have experienced painful things in my lifetime, but truly, it was when God began to reveal to me the depth of my sin, and how it had offended Him, by far, that was the most brutal thing I have ever gone through.
Godโs fiery rod of correction applying itsโ blistering rebukeโฆ meted in kindness, but leaving behind an indelible impression of my sinโฆ and His graceโฆ
I have spent most of my life as a rigid rule follower. A faithful church member. A perfectionist. A black and white moralist. I do not have a long list of the kinds of offenses people usually label as blatant sin. I was living a very religious life, and I had meticulously attempted to avoid anything that looked remotely evil, and I had aimed, very sincerely, to be a person of good characterโฆ a good Christianโฆ spiritualโฆ godlyโฆ
But one dayโฆ God began to peel back the layers of everything I had ever done in His name, and He showed me how little of it had anything to do with Himโฆ (Matt. 7:21-23)
He showed me how my โconversionโ had not been to Christ, but was simply a very determined decision to be good and righteous in my own strength, and to win the approval of people.
He dragged me through the trail of carnage that follows the religious person who is unwittingly operating apart from Him. He let me see how dreadfully I misrepresented Him. He made me look directly into the eyes of the tragic consequences of bad doctrineโฆ
He showed me, how every deception I had fallen prey to, could be traced, almost certainly, to my own pride, and that it was this pride that was my true god.
He showed me, that I had not bowed to Christ, but had only bowed to my own self interests.
I cannot even express that horror.
The horror of my sin.
The horror of how my sin affected others.
The horror of how my sin raged against my Creator and my Savior.
The horror of having spent a lifetime in and among and surrounded by and submerged in Christianity and believing all the while that I was serving Godโฆ that I was promoting Christโฆ
But wasnโt.
I had not only been deceived! I had participated in spreading a counterfeitโฆ I shared a gross misrepresentation of Christ. Is there any sin more vile? I cannot imagine oneโฆ
Those painful realizations became a searing brand upon my soul that makes me wince to this very day.
Becoming aware of these things plunged me into a grieving process that never really seems to end. My eyes still brim with hot tears when I consider the weight and the ugliness of them. Much like losing a loved one, the grief subtly changes, but it never โgoes away.โ
It becomes part of you.
Godโs blazing exposure upon my soul left a wound that is never silent and every day, that smarting wound reminds me of what I wasโฆ
What I am apart from Himโฆ
How unquantifiably disastrous I am in this world without His constant helpโฆ
How even when I am propelled by my utmost determination and passion, ๐ ๐ง๐ข๐ญ๐ญ ๐ช๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ด๐ด๐ช๐ฃ๐ญ๐บ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐ด๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐๐ช๐ฎโฆ
But along with its tinge of agony, that precious wound reminds me of ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ง๐ข๐ต๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฃ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐จ๐ณ๐ข๐ค๐ฆโฆ
๐๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ค๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ช๐ฏ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ค๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ด๐ต ๐ซ๐ถ๐ฏ๐จ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ด ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ช๐จ๐ช๐ฐ๐ถ๐ด ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ค๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ก๐ก๐๐ ๐ข๐ ๐ค๐ช๐ฉโฆ
๐๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ฑ๐ช๐ฆ๐ณ๐ค๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ถ๐จ๐ฉ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ต๐ณ๐ข๐ฃ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ณ๐ฌ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ง๐ข๐ญ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏโฆ ๐ฉ๐ค ๐ง๐๐จ๐๐ช๐ ๐ข๐โฆ
Precious Savior!
When I stumbled and fell among the snares, and I could not find my way outโฆ and I groped through the confusion and wrestled through the chaos and strained to hear through the religious noise all around meโฆ
I cried out for His helpโฆ
And there He was!
His Word, a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path! (Ps. 119:105) How desperately I clung to Him! I relinquished every sliver of trust I had in myself. There was not a fragment of my being that I had any confidence in, but He is Truth, and Truth sets one free! (John 8:32)
What grace!
What mercy!
It is incomprehensible that He would extend it to me, wretch of wretches, but He has!
The marvelous goodness of God!
I am convinced, that repentance cannot be manufactured. I could seek it, but I could not produce it at will. I wasnโt even aware of my need of it, or my absence of reliance upon Him, or how tragically I had missed the mark until He illuminated my very soul to see itโฆ
Until He laid that wound upon meโฆ
That sorrow for sinโฆ.
That grief for grieving Himโฆ
That abhorrence of all things that abhor Himโฆ
It was a painful wound. A brutal wound.
But for all my days, I will thank Himโฆ
Every time it pricks my heart, I will thank Him for the way it reminds me of how little I am, and how great He is, and for the amazing grace that spanned the eternal gulf between usโฆ
โAs for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressionsโit is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faithโand this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of Godโ not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are Godโs handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.โ Ephesians 2-1-10
Scriptures to consider
Acts 11:18; Revelation 3:19; 2 Peter 3:9; Acts 26:20; Hebrews 12:5-13; Matthew 13:3-9; Genesis 32:22-32; Ephesians 2:1-9; Romans 2:4; John 8:12; 31-32; 2 Corinthians 7:8-11; Matthew 7:21-23
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